Impatience

We live in a microwave society. Almost everything today is being marketed in a way so that it is more convenient, faster, and more easily accessible; and this week, I have found myself getting more and more frustrated with the time it takes to accomplish tasks. I am in the process of moving and much of this week has been spent waiting on handymen to come and fix the dents and dings that come with an apartment in a college town. When he shows up today (if he shows up today) it will make the 10th time the a/c guy has been here to try to fix the issue our system is having. As I sat on my couch, with my fan blowing on my face, iPad and ice water in hand, frustrated at the heat and the time the repairs were taking as the apartment got hotter and the day went on, I suddenly got a dose of reality. I have a home. I have water. I have an a/c to be fixed and people willing to work on it. I have wonderful apartment managers who have gone above and beyond trying to call different people to see who can diagnose the issue. After I got over my temper tantrum, I though of how many times God has waited on me. How many times I have been broken, or he has called me to do something and I haven't felt like I had time or knew what he wanted. How blessed am I that God is not as petty as I am? God doesn't throw temper tantrums and get snippy because he is hot (praise himself) and that's a lesson I need to spend some time learning. So today I am throwing my clock out for awhile and saying thank you to God and everyone else who is helping me along the crazy road of life.

Esther

I sometimes get stuck in the pauses of life. I take a break or time-out from something difficult in and it  takes me awhile to get back to it, if I get back at all. It is easy to tell yourself that you deserve a break, or take that moment before a leap, and then talk yourself out of whatever is before you that troubles you. Life, especially a life seeking to fulfill God's purpose is about moving. God doesn't call us to be a people stuck in pause, he calls us to be a people of action.
Someone who is a good example of this is Esther. She had many different obstacles and hardships in her path, but she kept going. Don't you think that she had a moment of pause before her time with the King while she was going through the selection process? But she moved forward to become a Queen. Don't you imagine that she had a moment of pause before she walked into the throne room before him unsummoned? But she went in anyway. I'd also imagine she had a moment of pause before admitting her heritage and asking for the lives of her people, but she raised her voice against the injustice. She kept moving forward, in spite of the danger and uncertainty ahead because she was equipped by the God who created her and needed by her people.
Life is hard sometimes. There are days when you need to take a step back from the picture in order to see it more clearly. There are times when you don't have anything else to give and you need to go recharge. God doesn't want us to be a people of burned-out emotional wrecks, but he did make us for a purpose. We can take pauses, but we also need to heed his call to move. God also equips us for what he calls us toward. He didn't call just call Esther to speak for her people and leave it at that, he gave her a voice and a message. In the days ahead I want to be more intentional about the steps I take and make sure my uncertainty isn't keeping me in my pauses. I want to move toward the purpose I have been made for and rest assured in the equipper and his process. May we all have bold steps in God's timing.

New Day, New Perspective

Lets leave our facades at the door. As women we have all struggled with feelings of insecurity or inadequacy at some point in our lives. At some point we have all felt like we weren’t right, weren’t enough or would never fit in. Society tells us that these feelings are completely normal, that we can never measure up to the airbrushed version of perfection that is fashionable this week, but the fact that we listen to society says that we don’t truly understand our worth. The only credential that we need and ever will need is that we are a masterful work of art made by the most famous artist of all time. 

It is so easy to look at any media outlet and try to let the person you see be the one you measure yourself against, but that is not what God has for us. He wants and expects so much more. He created us in his image and said that we were wonderful, therefore it should be easy to feel that way right? But it isn’t, it is one of the most difficult things to do. To accept your own worth and strive to reach the height of your potential can be a scary thing. As I am writing these words I am stepping out in faith to say that someday I will be able to accept my own worth and not find myself to be lacking, but full of bright potential to fulfill my maker’s plan. 

I am going to take a look at some biblical examples of the character of a Godly woman, and find my peers here instead of looking to the lies that undermine and undercut our confidence and character. 

Eve- Now Eve gets a harsh rap because she sinned the very first sin in a perfect world. But what can we look to her for? What aspect of her character can I cling to? To me the comforting fact is that Eve was redeemed. 

Eve was created for Adam. She was made to lighten his load in life and to be his companion. She made his everyday life less lonely and through her womb, she gave birth to the continuation of the human race. She only had one thing that she was told not to do. She was not to eat the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Why? I cannot begin to comprehend the full reason why God didn’t want them to eat of that tree, but I am venturing the guess that since the world was simply made up of good things for them, God didn’t want them to know evil. I chose to see the tree more as a protective measure our Father put in place for his children than an impossible test of human curiosity. Well, Eve fell and ate the fruit, persuading Adam to eat it as well. Her perfect world crumbled and she was banished from the only home she had ever known. She was told birth would be a painful process and that she would never again be able to go back into the perfect garden that had been her reference point in the world. Eve messed up, but even in messing up, could not thwart God’s plan. Eve introduced sin, but through that introduction we get a clear picture of God’s perfect and undeserved grace. Without sin, would we understand the depth of the precious gift that is grace? I don’t think so. Many people look to David as a picture of grace. He fell in committing adultery with Bathsheba, but Eve took the first fall. Eve fell before she had ever seen anyone fall. She is the one who figured out how to get up and get back. In the story of Eve’s fall I get a better picture of Grace and the determination of a woman who had no earthly role model to look too. She accomplished her purpose even after making a mistake. She defined herself by what God saw in her and what her perfect mate, the man she was created for saw in her. That is the aspect of her character I wish to emulate. Letting the right things define me, despite and though my mistakes. If Eve can pick herself up, so can I. I can accomplish my purpose despite my flaws. I can be useful even with my mistakes.  So that is what I am praying for you and myself. That we would ask God to forgive our sin, forgive ourselves our sin, pick ourselves up and continue on our path, seeking God’s will and being continually defined and redefined by our master and maker.

Tray

Today is a hard day. Yesterday, a friend so full of life and potential, had his life cut short by someone who wasn't paying attention. I am saddened by the loss of a friend and left with the feeling of shock and confusion that seem to reign when the unexpected permiates my world. I am comforted however, in the fact that Tray did pay attention.
He paid attention to his family. The Vickerys are one of the closest families I know. They have been such a help to our church and community because they are the people who are always striving to help others, know others, and obey God's will in their lives. They have also sought to know each other. They love each other for all the quirks, flaws, and gifts each one possesses. I am comforted in the fact that Tray both loved fiercely and was fiercely loved.
Tray also paid attention to his God. I was blessed to get to go on mission trips to the Dominican Republic with Tray. He loved working with the kids we went to serve. On several occasions I would look over and see Tray bent down to talk to a child, or pick one up to bring them to his level. He, in the example of Christ, seemed to get down on people's level, or bring them up to his, to talk to them. He bridged the gap and covered the distance to reach the people who needed him. I was blessed to get to see him working to be the hands and feet of the God he loved and served.
Tray paid attention to his community. His family has taken to saying that he was "everyone's Tray" and he was. I don't know that I ever really saw Tray alone. He was always surrounded by family and friends. He loved people of all ages, and took true enjoyment in being part of the picture. He helped where help was needed, brought laughter to those who needed joy, and was a true friend to many. He looked at and listened to the world around him and actively took part.
I am sad today. I will be sad tomorrow. I lost a friend, but I know that my friend is with my God. My friend is happy and whole and complete. My friend will never know the pain of loss, the sting of defeat, or the ache of lonliness again. So, while Tray will be dearly missed, I can rejoice in the fact that while here, he lived in a way that impacted others. He made a difference. Don't we all want the same to be said of us? I'm going to take a leaf from Tray's book and start paying more attention to the things that matter and letting all the rest of the insignificant mess go. May we all be able to live a little more like Tray in the days to come.

Love, not judgement, is the catalyst for change

I am not satisfied with the world I live in. I want it to be better, and I want to be better. I am not satisfied with what I see, or who I am, but I wasn't created to be. I was created to long for more. I was made to crave a savior who delights in the perfecting process and will one day bring that process to completion. I was made to be fully present in today while knowing my tomorrows are held and designed for me. I was made to enjoy the journey because of who I walk beside, but know that at the end comes the prize. I was created to long for more and set standards for myself along the way, but I was not created to apply those standards to those who don't yet know for whom they long. I was made to love them. There is a reason that God ranks love so high and reserves the right to judge for himself and himself alone. Judgement pushes people away, shuns and shames them, while love invites them in and seeks to understand.
I struggle with taking on the role of judge in my everyday life. Often I find myself not freely inviting people into my world, but making them pass a test first to see if they are "good" enough or "moral" enough to occupy the friend zone. Today however I was reminded of the Jesus model. Jesus had 12 men he let fully into his world, but barred no one from entering. I need to do a better job of following this model. I surround myself with people who can challenge and affirm me, who are walking the same road I am, but somewhere along the line I stopped letting anyone else in. I am not doing my job to reach and influence the world I am dissatisfied with. I have an amazing support system of Christian brothers and sisters who I can turn to in crisis, I am lucky and blessed. But many don't have this. Many people don't have a loving voice cheering them on to better things. For some, I can be that voice. I can be the person who listens, who cares, and who is dependable. I can be the person who is honest about where my peace and joy come from, who hopes and prays they meet my source of strength, but loves them where they are now. Jesus commands us to go make disciples of all the world, but in order to do that we first must know the world and love it for where it is, and where it has the potential to go and grow. I am re-committing myself to this process because there are people whom I have been called to love. Who have you been called to love?
God may we be your people with your heart walking out of our comfort zones and into the lives of the people you have given us to love.