Helping Helpers / Burden of Communication

We all have different coping skills. One of mine is K-pop. Sometimes after being called every name in the book, it is nice to disappear into another language and culture for a minute. Today one of the singers in a group that shuffles onto my playlist pretty frequently committed suicide. My happy little colorful world was a little darker today. In looking at the responses one stuck out to me because it was repeated so often; "He helped me feel better on my dark days." People couldn't seem to fathom that someone who helped them, could need help. 

I    see this idea repeated at work all the time. The ones who are most often responding to the call for help, have their calls for help ignored. If someone seems strong on the outside, it doesn't mean they feel strong on the inside. Often times the people responding to the struggles of others the fastest aren't doing so because the possess some innate strength, or are untouched by the horror around them. They are responding and reaching out because they understand the urgency. It is easy to recognize the pain in others when it is echoed in your face every time you look in a mirror. 

We see this repeated over and over in the circles we travel. Pastors, parents, teachers, singers, actors, athletes, young, old, men and women all struggle with unseen burdens that sometimes cause them to make drastic choices. 

During this season of celebration, don't forget to check in with people around you. I    don't mean make sure you get them a present with a big shiny bow, I    mean look them in the eye and listen to what they are trying to tell you. Give the gift of being intentional and supportive. Check on the person who always checks on everyone else. Check in on the friend who always seems to know when something is wrong. Make sure that you are seeing and hearing those around you that you love. Help the helpers. 

The flip side of this is that depression makes you want to hide. Those of you who struggle or have struggled with this darkness know that it is isolating and alienating. It can be so easy to think that you are crying out for help, or question how no one sees your pain and use the supposed ignorance of others as another wall to hide behind. I    used to sit up at night and question how no one knew I    was drowning, or how no one could see my pain. Then I    took a communication class and the professor would always stress that the burden of communication was on the communicator. I       can't say something one time and expect you to understand it seven times. If I    want you to understand I    have to keep communicating until you do. 

Luckily for me, I     had people understand me. But I    still have to remind myself all the time that I      can't express things once and leave it be. Keep going until you are understood. It is hard, and can seem impossible, but as someone who has been in the darkness, I    can tell you it is worth it to make sure you are heard. If you are your own worst enemy and it seems like you can't get up, there is no shame in asking for help. And if someone doesn't understand, keep trying. It is worth it and so are you. 

As you celebrate the Savior who came to us in the most vulnerable package possible this season, remember to be vulnerable with those around you. Support them in love. Communicate and listen.