Future File

Right now I am in a marriage counseling class and a child counseling class. I am one of the only students in both of those classes who doesn't currently have a child or a spouse so everything I have learned has been filed away in my "future" file. Today was research paper day as I edited and submitted my two final projects for these classes.(Blech!) One paper was on how to increase marital longevity and the other was on how to appropriately love your children and when to let them go. As I was writing these two papers, four worlds kept popping up; responsibility, blessing, work and growth.
Looking back on my life, I realized something amazing. I have been blessed by a family that took responsibility for my spiritual, emotional, physical and intellectual growth. I have prayer warrior aunts, dedicated parents, upstanding uncles, involved grandparents and an amazing sister who all took their responsibilities in my life seriously. I have seen relationships modeled for me where partners strive to be a blessing to each other, seeking to selflessly loving their spouse in the way Christ loved the Church. I have seen parents put forth the work it takes to grow with their children, not away from them and spouses continually seek to grow together to lead their families the best ways they know how. I have seen the hard work that it takes to make a relationship work, and have had the tools with which to make it work modeled for me.
No family is perfect, and I don't put mine on a pedestal, but I am so thankful for the ways they have poured into me and molded me. I didn't realize all the ways they set examples for me before entering these classes, and I may never know the full extent to which they have impacted me, but today, I recognized it in some small way and needed to take the opportunity to express my gratitude.
So, Mom and Dad, Jake and Mandi, Ben and Meredith, Christi and Jerry, Grandmommy and Bebo, Nanna and Papaw, Richard and Melinda, and Robert and Becky, thank you for being the spouses and parents you are and were. It makes a difference. To all the other great examples in my life too numerous to name, you are seen and appreciated as well.
 On days when it is hard, remember the next generation is watching you and waiting to follow in your footsteps. What you do matters. Who you are matters, as individuals and as a unit; and the legacy you are leaving behind impacts those who follow. Thank you for being people worthy of emulating. You have given me great things to put in my future file, and I am glad this is the family and circle I was born into.

Words

Today I was reminded of something that I think I have always known, yet forgotten the importance of; the fact that my voice matters. Not just my church voice, or political voice, or class voice, but my voice in general has the power to tear others down or build them up. Yes, my witness is very important. Yes, finding where and what to say politically is very important. Yes, learning information and processing it in class is important, but so are the words I say at Walmart, on the phone, standing in line and driving in my car.
I have this amazing friend who changed my life but uttering seven profound words to me one day. She said "if it matters to you, it matters." Simply using those words to give me validation in a storm helped me feel that I wasn't alone. Since then, I have tried to adopt this mantra as my own. It doesn't matter if I think something carries the same amount of weight as you do, if it matters to you, it matters to me. Telling someone that can be life altering. I know, because mine was.
You don't even have to really know someone for your words to impact them. There are so many people out there in the world today who think they speak on my behalf because we share a label. The fact that I am a woman doesn't mean that I automatically agree with everything that is said on behalf of womankind. I am a Christian, but that doesn't mean that I agree with everyone who claims to speak for me. Just because I am an American doesn't mean that my country always conveys the message to the world that I would choose to. I have a voice and I should be using it.
A crazy church claiming Baptist in their title is protesting Baylor today. Their words are hurting people that I am called to love and minister to. So, what am I going to do about it? I am going to be careful with my words and make sure that as clearly as possible I am communicating to the world what I want to say, and how I think it should be said. I would encourage you to do three things during this time of thanksgiving:
1. Realize the weight of your words
2. Use the weight of your words to positively impact those around you
3. Take back your voice from those who claim to speak for you and clarify who you are and what you want.
This thanksgiving I am thankful that I have been blessed by people who have used their words to positively impact my life. I hope you can say the same.

Mondays

Today I am reminded that life is what you make it. This morning I woke up with that yucky monday feeling; that all encompassing, ever fatiguing, makes you want to pout and stamp your foot like you are three feeling. This week already holds so many things that I know need to be accomplished in it and the surprises and spontaneity are still yet to come. Instantly I was overwhelmed with my to-do list and underwhelmed with the energy I had to get it completed. My morning prayer was more like a morning whine to God about all I had to do and how I was feeling about it. God, patient father that he is, let me have my moment before reminding me that I am simply called to be. I am called to be his, for his glory and his renown and whatever may come at me while I am on that path, I can deal with it. Why? Because I am not alone. My mom gave me a necklace that has four sides and each side says something that God says I am. The words are "chosen", "cherished", "celebrated", and "created". I am all of these and so much more! So I checked my attitude and left my room. I grabbed my computer, some hot tea and headed outside. Today is a beautiful day in Waco. The weather is perfect and I am blessed to be able to do school where I choose, so outside on the porch it was!
As I finished school for the day a few hours later, I was reminded that there is a beauty in beginnings. This week is just beginning and has unlimited opportunities to minister, created, rejoice and simply be. So my monday pity party is officially over, and this week is looking like it is going to be a great one! If you are stuck in the monday mournings, remember that you too are created, cherished, chosen and celebrated. May your week bless you in unexpected ways!

I'm voting for.....

So this morning (as it seems to happen most Sunday mornings) our college pastor Kyle Dunn had a surprise up his sleeve. The sermon was about politics. (I know, I know...bear with me) He sent out an email earlier in the week that had a little blurb about the sermon and when I heard it was about politics, it made me want to call in sick this morning. But, because I trust God and Kyle's discernment to shepherd us in the right direction I went, hoping he wouldn't fail me for this first time in 5 years. Oh me of little faith.
I like to think that I am a fairly tolerant person. I have some foundational things that I won't budge on (God is in control, his son died for me, I am forgiven and his, and my life's purpose is to bring him glory as I follow the path he has for me), but i'm not going to judge you if your favorite ice cream flavor is vanilla when the obvious best one is mint chocolate chip. This leaves me at a loss in the political realm. I go in wanting to love and understand people and their viewpoints but instead I get slammed with snarky memes and ranting statuses that seem to either call me racist or a heretic. I'd like to think that i'm neither, and Kyle and Jesus seem to agree.
In Titus 3:1-2 it says "Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities,to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people." Now that is a political standpoint I can get behind. 
I have taken many a poly sci class and have had teachers tell me everything from my vote doesn't matter, to my vote decides the fate of the entire world. First, neither is true. Second, my witness is more important than my vote. I am called to be a light in a dark place, a helping hand to those in need, an ear to listen, a heart to love, eyes to see and a support to those who lean on me. God is so much bigger than my facebook status, and he is not a republican, democrat or American. God is on his own side, with his own agenda, for his own purpose and glory, and I am called to fall in line. 
When voting I am going to try to stay on that line and see which candidate it is closest to. Either way, if my guy wins or loses, I am going to have faith that my God is sovereign and no amount of ballots can thwart his agenda. But, my attitude and demeanor before, during and after casting my ballot can bring him glory. 
Somewhere along the way our political parties seem to have turned into the equivalent of high school rival parties. One turns their music up louder and one has a better DJ, but both are working to bring the other down. Our campaigns sling so much mud and dirt that we all get covered in the grime. What would happen if we were to be people who were respectful, graceful, tactful and gentle in the sea of dirty tricks and half truths? What if we were to seek understanding and give it in return? What if we were to be a people who held firmly to their beliefs because they were biblical, not because they toed the party line? What if we were to be a people who sought to love others before we judged them based on who they vote for? I feel like having that attitude, and seeking to be firm, but loving and not degrading, has much more significance than my one vote does. My attitude and my witness have eternal significance, no one sees my ballot. 
Neither candidate is they harbinger of death, and neither is the Messiah. We already have one and he is seated on his throne in heaven in full control of all that happens down here. My God is sovereign and he has called me to engage in the world around me in order to bring it closer to him. So this is me, i'm engaging in the political world. I am educating myself about the issues and candidates and I will vote when the time comes, but during this process I am going to remember my true aim is to please God and he is pleased when I love on and rejoice in his creation.
So in the days to come I would encourage you to take the high road. Remember that both candidates are men who are fallible and sin, but were also created by a God who loves them and when one of them becomes our Commander in Chief, God is still sovereign over all. God has it in control, I am his, you are his, America is his and our candidates are his, all I have to do is play the part i've been given with gentleness and grace. I hope you all will join me.

Legacy

Today is Father's Day. As I was thinking about how much I love my dad, I realized that the line doesn't stop with him. I have been so blessed to have multiple examples of great fathers in my life. I am privileged to be loved and supported by the men in my family who have shown me in tangible ways what honor, respect, loyalty and character look like.

My Papaw was a man who, to me, defined the word enthusiasm. He fiercely loved us. When we were little he would hug us so tight that you thought your back was going to snap in half every time he saw you because he was so excited you were there. My parents laughingly tell the story of the time they went to visit when my sister Mandi was a baby. Papaw was so excited about her he came out to get her from the car and ran back inside, leaving my parents locked outside in the rain. He loved in tangible ways and raised his sons to do the same. He lived, and loved, enthusiastically. 

If I were to sum up my Uncle Richard in a word it would be relatable. No matter my age and stage in life, he always genuinely makes me feel as if what I say and think is important. Even when I was little he would look me in the eye, ask me questions and listen fully to what I had to say. I feel like he has the ability to get on someone's level effortlessly and make those around him feel comfortable and comforted. Having the ability to patiently make people feel heard is a gift, and one I have been glad to be on the receiving end of many times. 

My Uncle Robert embodies the word genuine. I have never seen him try to be someone that he isn't. He takes all the pieces of himself, fits them together and presents it to the world. I have also seen him grow through the years. While some people can take on a "this is me, deal with it" attitude, he takes on the "this is me as I work to become better for those around me" attitude. This is something that I hope to emulate in my life and something that I have been honored to witness in his. 

My Bebo is the word compassion. All my life people have told me how lucky I am to be related to Homer Hanna Jr and I have never doubted it for a minute. If you want an example of someone living the life of a biblical servant, it's my Bebo. He loves people, respects them, and goes out of his way to make those around him feel like they are seen. Whether it is by squiring my Grandmommy around as she antiques, calling the waiter by their name, taking someone fishing, or striking up conversation with a stranger, my Bebo makes everyone, from the prominent to the unseen feel worthwhile. I have never, not even for a second, doubted how much I am worth to him and loved by him. 

My Uncle Ben is characterized by the word willing. As I have grown up his family has not always lived close to mine, but when he could, he was always willing to show up. He has always been willing to make the effort for me and those around him, constantly seeking out ways to reach out to those who are unseen or unheard. If I ever felt awkward in a family gathering, that always seemed to be the moment he would find me and want to connect to where I was in that stage of my life. I feel like he goes the extra mile and takes the extra step to be sure that those around him feel supported and loved. 

My Uncle Jerry embodies the word respect. I never hear him say anything about anyone or anything that isn't edifying. I remember talking to him once when I was about 12 and coming to the realization that the way he spoke about people and to people was honorable. He has always treated me like I am the best version of myself, even when I am having an off day. I always come away feeling a little taller and lighter somehow.
Then there is my brother-in-law Jake. If I had to use one word to describe Jake it would be caring. Jake has stepped in and stepped up in too many ways to count since joining our family. He has become one of my people, one of the ones I feel like I can go to about anything and he will hear me out, tell me I'm not crazy and make me laugh along the way. I think that it is pretty incredible that my best friend (my sister) somehow married someone who has also become one of my best friends. I feel so blessed to get to be a part of their journey. 

Hero. That is the word I use to describe my dad, but he is much more a Hercules than a Spider-Man. In some stories the hero becomes that way by chance and then makes the most of it when the circumstances arise; but in some stories the hero isn't made that way by chance but by challenge. This is why I say he is more a Hercules. He has not only risen to the circumstances but overcome the challenges along the way. He is someone that I can rely on no matter what. When I need someone to stand firmly beside me, he is there. When I need someone to fight for me, he takes up the cause. I know that when I need him, he is there; unflinchingly willing to rise to the occasion. He is willing to coach me, cheer for me, console me, challenge me, comfort me and connect with me. He shows up, and is, in big ways and small ways, my hero. 

All these aspects and words are wonderful, but each one of these men have done something even more important for me. They model Christ. Each one of them relies not on self, but on a Savior who they each put first in their lives. This has been the most important word that they all embody; Christian. They all seek to live out their faith and connect the world they see with the God they know. I see it in the way they treat their families, go about their jobs, and interact with the world. All of these men are part of a legacy they seek to share and enrich by including those around them. I am blessed to know them, blessed to see the ways they impact the world and blessed to be one of the lucky ones they call family. I see the legacy living on in my cousins Jordan, Micah, Ben, Brady, Jake and Caleb as they are all in different stages of becoming the God-honoring men I know they will be, and in many ways already are.  I am excited to see this legacy continue in my nephew Jackson as he grows up.
So this father's day, I am reminded that I am so thankful for my father, and to all the other fathers I am blessed to get to call family because they listen to their heavenly father while seeking to do his will. 

Impatience

We live in a microwave society. Almost everything today is being marketed in a way so that it is more convenient, faster, and more easily accessible; and this week, I have found myself getting more and more frustrated with the time it takes to accomplish tasks. I am in the process of moving and much of this week has been spent waiting on handymen to come and fix the dents and dings that come with an apartment in a college town. When he shows up today (if he shows up today) it will make the 10th time the a/c guy has been here to try to fix the issue our system is having. As I sat on my couch, with my fan blowing on my face, iPad and ice water in hand, frustrated at the heat and the time the repairs were taking as the apartment got hotter and the day went on, I suddenly got a dose of reality. I have a home. I have water. I have an a/c to be fixed and people willing to work on it. I have wonderful apartment managers who have gone above and beyond trying to call different people to see who can diagnose the issue. After I got over my temper tantrum, I though of how many times God has waited on me. How many times I have been broken, or he has called me to do something and I haven't felt like I had time or knew what he wanted. How blessed am I that God is not as petty as I am? God doesn't throw temper tantrums and get snippy because he is hot (praise himself) and that's a lesson I need to spend some time learning. So today I am throwing my clock out for awhile and saying thank you to God and everyone else who is helping me along the crazy road of life.

Esther

I sometimes get stuck in the pauses of life. I take a break or time-out from something difficult in and it  takes me awhile to get back to it, if I get back at all. It is easy to tell yourself that you deserve a break, or take that moment before a leap, and then talk yourself out of whatever is before you that troubles you. Life, especially a life seeking to fulfill God's purpose is about moving. God doesn't call us to be a people stuck in pause, he calls us to be a people of action.
Someone who is a good example of this is Esther. She had many different obstacles and hardships in her path, but she kept going. Don't you think that she had a moment of pause before her time with the King while she was going through the selection process? But she moved forward to become a Queen. Don't you imagine that she had a moment of pause before she walked into the throne room before him unsummoned? But she went in anyway. I'd also imagine she had a moment of pause before admitting her heritage and asking for the lives of her people, but she raised her voice against the injustice. She kept moving forward, in spite of the danger and uncertainty ahead because she was equipped by the God who created her and needed by her people.
Life is hard sometimes. There are days when you need to take a step back from the picture in order to see it more clearly. There are times when you don't have anything else to give and you need to go recharge. God doesn't want us to be a people of burned-out emotional wrecks, but he did make us for a purpose. We can take pauses, but we also need to heed his call to move. God also equips us for what he calls us toward. He didn't call just call Esther to speak for her people and leave it at that, he gave her a voice and a message. In the days ahead I want to be more intentional about the steps I take and make sure my uncertainty isn't keeping me in my pauses. I want to move toward the purpose I have been made for and rest assured in the equipper and his process. May we all have bold steps in God's timing.