God keeps me on my toes. There are many days when I feel like he is readily accessible, making his presence known throughout the day. There are days when he shows up in big ways and I feel like he is taking every step with me; then there are days when I feel like he is watching from afar as I flounder around, blindly seeking his will and not getting a ready answer.
Today I re-read one of my favorite old testament passages, 1 Kings 18 -19. In it God keeps Elijah on his toes as well. First he shows up in big ways making fire fall from the sky and showing himself to the people who were uncertain, then he makes one who is certain of him wait through wind, earthquake and fire for the gentle whisper that hold's his presence.
During darker days, these verses were some of the ones that I held onto with all I had. God didn't promise effortlessness or that he would show up in the same ways each time, but he promised he would show up. We aren't promised ease, but we are promised presence; we aren't promised immediate answers, but we are promised the strength we need to persevere.
I am in a new stage in my life. I am preparing to move to another state, I am preparing to finally end the college journey (woo hoo!), and I am preparing to do all this without my sister here for ready guidance and support. The hardest times in my life have been when I have been the farthest from my sister, once in college and once in high school. I can't say that I was looking forward to what her moving to Chad meant selfishly for me, but in talking to my mom last week I was reminded of something. Sometimes in order to make himself all you need, God makes himself all you have. I have a phenomenal family, and amazing friends, but the person who has trail blazed for me thus far hasn't walked the road I am about to embark upon. God is the only one who can really take this journey with me.
I feel like the past few years of my life have been riddled with giant winds that blew my plans apart, earthquakes that created new scenery, and fire that blazed through useless brush to clear the way for new things to be planted. Even just in the past year, everything has changed. I transferred to a different school, moved apartments, my parents moved, I got answers as to why what seems effortless to some seems impossible to me, got an amazing nephew, sent three of my favorite people halfway around the world, decided on a path, and stopped dragging around useless pain that only served to encumber my journey. Now I am waiting on the whisper. I am waiting on the gentle whisper that embodies God to come along and tell me what is next. I can't honestly say that I am good at waiting patiently, but I am waiting assured that God will come, and that is so much netter than waiting in uncertainty.
In the days to come, I am praying for those who are waiting with me for the whisper and for those who are currently experiencing the wind, earthquake and fire. May those of us who wait, wait in the assurance that God will come, and those of us who are experiencing disaster find hope that the whisper will come and the trauma will end. We are God's, his will is perfect, and he understands us, even if we can't understand him. He will show up; may we all be ready when he does.
