I tell my girls all the time that it doesn't matter how much I want it for them, they have to work to make it happen. I can give them all the tools I know how to provide, but they still have to be the ones to use them to build a better life and foundation for themselves. I can pray and watch and be there to lend a hand when they need it, but if they aren't willing to put in the effort, there will never be any real change. It makes me think of a story my sister told me about when she went on a mission trip years ago and was trying to hand out bibles on a street corner. She stood there, bright eyed and enthusiastic and had to watch person after person walk by her without taking what she was offering. She stood with the tool dying people needed, and had to watch as people continued on in darkness. Her heart broke. It can be easy to forget that just because it is easy for you to give, doesn't mean it is easy for someone else to take.
One of mine right now is in a downward spiral. We have tried so many different ways to reach her, but in her mind, giving up is easier than trying and failing again. The work we ask them to do is difficult. It is an uphill battle to move from where you have been, past the abuse and trauma, into who you can be without that darkness being in control anymore. For my girls it means trusting an adult, when the last adult they trusted was most likely part of their abuse story. It also means letting go of the person they became to protect themselves while in hell, and being vulnerable, relaxing back into childhood and learning how to be something other than a victim. Tom Cruise can take a crack at it, but it is a pretty impossible mission. Yet every single day, I ask them to try. I ask them to show up and make an effort to be something more than they were the day before. I ask them to take steps away from their pasts and to dream about what they can be. I ask them to make goals and laugh. I try to train them to worry about whether or not they are going to pass a science test instead of worrying if they are going to eat today or who is going to come in their room tonight. I have no doubt in God's ability to love and change his children, but it is not always an easy process.
Today we had to have the discussion that my struggling one might need more help than we can offer her. Today I had to decide how much of my heart she gets to break. I am an imperfect and flawed person, but I have been greatly loved in this life by amazing family and some invaluable friends. I try to pass that along to every child that I get to call mine. I try to love with abandon and authenticity, but when we are approaching the end of the road, I am faced with the task of deciding to either pull back and try to emotionally distance myself so that less of my heart breaks, or dive in even more, hoping that the impossible change occurs. I ask myself this question like I have a choice, because every single time my answer is the same. I dive in. It would be easier if I could distance myself, but that isn't what I am called to do. I am called to break, to shatter if necessary, and allow God to re-shape me as I continue along this journey.
But I am not alone. There are atrocities in the world we live in. We are too often guilty of staying inside our comfort zones, judging others for not handling situations correctly, instead of putting ourselves out there to break and be re-built. I have some amazing friends on the front lines of issues, giving their hearts and voices to try to make tomorrow better in some way. I see them shatter and then pick right back up, because they trust the one who made them and called them his own. I see other people sit in their comfortable ignorance, judging the failures of those who try. I see people who have a Christianity checklist and view the bible as a buffet, only taking what they can comfortably digest. Too many people are willing to speak the name of God to prove a point on Facebook, and not willing to get down on someone's level and show them the love of God. A God who made the person they hate, are afraid of, and post about with intention and care.
God was not afraid to love with abandon, outside of societal norms and customs. Jesus literally broke his body for us, giving us the perfect demonstration of being rebuilt after breaking, yet we hesitate and pull back. Don't pull back. Don't be afraid to break for what God leads you to break for. Trust that you will be re-built and given what you need. Stop being afraid of different. Stop accepting what has been for what will always be. I ask my girls to change and grow every single day and now I am asking you to do the same. Be loving, not hateful, even when afraid. Be careful with your words, using them to build up those around you. Be present in the moments that are hard, letting people know they aren't struggling alone. Let your heart break for a broken world, and maybe as you are re-built, it will become a little less broken.
