When I was growing up, safe space was something I took for granted. It never crossed my mind to think that I could walk into my kitchen and see my dad raising his fists at my mom. It never occurred to me to be worried that I would walk in and see my mom taking pills she wasn't supposed to take. My house was always the one that friends wanted to come to because no one would be drunk or fighting and my mom always had snacks. I had the mom that attempted to be a good hostess to whatever gaggle of friends I had with me that day. My dad has never made me feel unsafe despite being so much taller and stronger than I am. It wasn't until college that I began to understand that I had been raised in a safe space.
Safe space is something that I am still figuring out. I remember walking into my friend Elizabeth's house my freshman year of college and immediately feeling safe. As I sat around a table with people I didn't know yet, I could feel that these people were battle ready, having fought through their own as a unit. I was in a well established safe space and I was welcomed in with open arms. My Mississippi family is one that I know, despite distance and time, will be willing to hunker down with me and work out whatever I am up against. These are the people that when you have to say hard words, look back at you unflinchingly, and stand ready to be on your team when you tap them in. When I thought about my home, and Elizabeth's home, I began to get a better picture of how I could build safe space for others.
With my girls, safe space isn't easy. It isn't already established and we have to go through battles and storms together for them to be able to know that I am someone who is actively working for their good. Sometimes, they understand and use us as a growing ground, moving past where their abusers can reach. Sometimes, they are too untrusting and I can only hope the seeds I plant with grow into safe space when watered by someone else who is trying. But as I look at my co workers, ready and willing to battle whatever comes, I know I am yet again, surrounded by safe space.
Sunday was a hard day. My emotions got the better of me and I had to walk away from a situation because the child didn't need anymore of my tears. I knew, as I looked at the people who were attempting intervention with me, that they would do no harm, and seek to aid in the restoration process. I could walk away because I knew others were committed to making safe space for my girl. All I could do was pray from afar.
As I called upon the only one who knows all, sees all and can provide the help we needed, I felt that safe space again. God was enveloping me, giving me comfort and strength to stay and accomplish all that we needed to get done to get my girls though routine. I also began to pray for those who are coming soon. Right now I have two empty rooms in my unit, so here will be two girls with stories and hurts all their own moving in in the weeks to come. I want them to know, despite where they are coming from, that this is a safe space to heal and work. Friends, in the days to come will you pray that those who are coming to me, and those who are already entrusted to my care, will understand that they are in a safe space? Pray that they will be able to focus on what matters and not be distracted by the habit of worrying about old fears, like whether or not they are going to be beaten or fed. I would also challenged you to make sure that those in your circle feel they have a safe space to be vulnerable and land after storms. Be careful with your words and deeds. Be sensitive and open to listening to hard words. Be loving and kind to those who expect condemnation and rejection. Be Christ to a world who is in desperate need of a savior.
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
Saturday, September 3, 2016
I Believe...
One of my girls today was asking me if I believed in the tooth fairy. It was a silly conversation that stuck with me for awhile because it was very different from other conversations I have had recently. This little one was asking me if I believed in something, yet it seems in so many conversations, tv advertisements, radio blurbs and just general life, people are telling me what I should believe. I am of an age where I get to have a vote and an opinion, but people still seem to think I am not as entitled to a vote or opinion as they are. I might think I know what I believe, but they all know what I should believe. It is a frustrating place to be. All of these thoughts collided and made me sit down and think about what I really do believe and why. It is a great exercise and I would encourage you all to find time and think about yourselves as well. Here are my top 5 I came up with:
1. I believe that God sent his son Jesus to die on the cross for my sins and in so dying, paid a price I could never pay so that I could be reconciled with my Heavenly Father and Creator someday in Heaven. My job is to accept the gift I have been given and seek to follow Christ in thought, word, and deed.
This is where it all has to begin for me. Without God, I am nothing and can do nothing. In my darkest deepest pits, the thought that saved me from myself was that I was created to glorify God and my depression was in no way bringing Him glory, so there HAD to be more for me. I was planned and purposed by God before I was even a thought to my parents, and when I feel that I have nothing left, no where to go, or nothing to hold on to, God sustains me.
2. My calling is to love people.
Regardless of age, gender, race, religion, nationality, sexual orientation, style, behavior, or any other factor my tired brain is forgetting, I am called to love the world around me and share the love God has for them. First and foremost, my actions and thoughts need to reflect the love of Christ and myself to a world in desperate need. Fear and hatred do not get to have strongholds in my life. People need to know God loves them and I need to be able to convey that message no matter what a person looks like.
3. Everyday magic exists.
A song, a smile, a story, a look, a laugh, a thought, a book, a cup of tea, whatever makes you happy and brings you joy is, to me, everyday magic. When I see a child's face light up because they finally figured out that word on their homework, or I find myself tapping my feet along to a song in the background, I know there is a beauty to everyday life if I take the time to pause and recognize it. I am guilty of focusing too much on the business of life and too little on the moments and missing some of that magic, but it is still there.
4. Everyone needs boundaries.
We get to be tired. We get to say no. We get to feel crummy and be grumpy. I need to know myself enough to know when I need to rest and recharge. Loving people does not mean letting them walk all over me and putting Christ first does not mean I ignore my physical and emotional limitations. God provides for us and equips us, but we are still human and need to stop feeling guilty when we have to say no.
5. If it matters to you, it matters.
Shoutout to Elizabeth Henry for this one. Those seven words changed my life. Regardless of if I understand why it matters, if it matters to someone, it is valid. People's feelings are valid. I don't get to tell people they can't or don't feel the way they think they do, and no one can tell me how I have to think or feel. Everyone gets time to react and process and if it matters to them, it matters.
I believe many other things as well, like that tea is better than coffee and strawberry cake is the best kind of birthday cake, but for me, these are what make up the core of who I am and aspire to be. I still have a long way to go and so much growing up to do, but right now, I can say I am pretty happy to be where, and who, I am.
1. I believe that God sent his son Jesus to die on the cross for my sins and in so dying, paid a price I could never pay so that I could be reconciled with my Heavenly Father and Creator someday in Heaven. My job is to accept the gift I have been given and seek to follow Christ in thought, word, and deed.
This is where it all has to begin for me. Without God, I am nothing and can do nothing. In my darkest deepest pits, the thought that saved me from myself was that I was created to glorify God and my depression was in no way bringing Him glory, so there HAD to be more for me. I was planned and purposed by God before I was even a thought to my parents, and when I feel that I have nothing left, no where to go, or nothing to hold on to, God sustains me.
2. My calling is to love people.
Regardless of age, gender, race, religion, nationality, sexual orientation, style, behavior, or any other factor my tired brain is forgetting, I am called to love the world around me and share the love God has for them. First and foremost, my actions and thoughts need to reflect the love of Christ and myself to a world in desperate need. Fear and hatred do not get to have strongholds in my life. People need to know God loves them and I need to be able to convey that message no matter what a person looks like.
3. Everyday magic exists.
A song, a smile, a story, a look, a laugh, a thought, a book, a cup of tea, whatever makes you happy and brings you joy is, to me, everyday magic. When I see a child's face light up because they finally figured out that word on their homework, or I find myself tapping my feet along to a song in the background, I know there is a beauty to everyday life if I take the time to pause and recognize it. I am guilty of focusing too much on the business of life and too little on the moments and missing some of that magic, but it is still there.
4. Everyone needs boundaries.
We get to be tired. We get to say no. We get to feel crummy and be grumpy. I need to know myself enough to know when I need to rest and recharge. Loving people does not mean letting them walk all over me and putting Christ first does not mean I ignore my physical and emotional limitations. God provides for us and equips us, but we are still human and need to stop feeling guilty when we have to say no.
5. If it matters to you, it matters.
Shoutout to Elizabeth Henry for this one. Those seven words changed my life. Regardless of if I understand why it matters, if it matters to someone, it is valid. People's feelings are valid. I don't get to tell people they can't or don't feel the way they think they do, and no one can tell me how I have to think or feel. Everyone gets time to react and process and if it matters to them, it matters.
I believe many other things as well, like that tea is better than coffee and strawberry cake is the best kind of birthday cake, but for me, these are what make up the core of who I am and aspire to be. I still have a long way to go and so much growing up to do, but right now, I can say I am pretty happy to be where, and who, I am.
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