These are the days of change; whether it is for the betterment of the world, or to its detriment, remains to be seen. After the conversations that have begun to happen and the reshaping of how we define "normal" by current events, we will never again be in the world we lived in before March. So where do we go from here?
Everyone sees the world through glasses colored by their own experiences. I have learned, after almost six years working the foster care world, that my own childhood cannot be the standard by which I view my children's behaviors. I was never abused, abandoned or neglected. My parents, though imperfect people in an imperfect world, are still seeking to know, love and support me as they have done throughout my life. My children however, have lived through things that make me uncomfortable to read on paper or listen to at times. They have been degraded, ostracized, harmed, and had to think through things I would have never had to consider just to be able to survive. Because our experiences are so different, a very large part of my job is to be a listener. I need to listen to them as they process past trauma and sit through hard conversations that sometimes make me feel physically ill. It is my job to listen, so that their burdens can be eased by the sharing.
Another part of my job is to then modify my behaviors so they in no way resembles the abuse my kids have suffered. If one of my kids feels triggered by me standing between them and the doorway when the lights are off in their room, it doesn't matter that my intention was to ensure they had all their blankets so they can sleep comfortably. It doesn't matter that nothing ever happened to me in a dark room so I don't have those experiences in my personal history. It doesn't matter that standing between a child and a doorway in the dark would have never have been a behavior I noticed six years ago. It doesn't matter that there are "easy" solutions that the child can work on to get themselves over that fear. What matters is that they are afraid. What matters is that they have been hurt. What matters is that I move out of the doorway so they can see an exit and feel safe. Even off the clock, I still see it as my job to listen and to modify so that those around me feel safe, because once you begin to see the pain in the world around you, adding to it by ignorance or inaction is unacceptable.
Another thing my job has taught me is to watch out for the attention seekers. A couple weeks ago I had one of my girls very calmly ask me to process with her about how to handle an issue in her cabin. One of her peers was making rude statements about pretty much every aspect of her life and day, continuing to seek her out and antagonize her, despite her asking the peer to stop. While talking with her, the girl who had been rude to her walked up and demanded my attention, yelling and cussing because "she needs to get my name out of her mouth". She then continued to throw a fit, drowning out the calm words of the peer she had hurt. That child was an attention seeker. She was being who causes pain and then becomes very loud in order to draw attention and drown out the voices of the ones they have hurt, one who points out the splinter they acquired while attempting to beat down others with a plank. In spewing hate that day she thought she could overwhelm her peer's hurt. That was not the case. All it took was me calmly observing the situation, listening to both girls, and then enforcing boundaries to protect the one that was being hurt. It took about 15 minutes of listening and modifying in order for one to feel safe, and one to have it reinforced that they are not allowed to bully their peers. Throughout the next week I watched to make sure that boundaries were respected and consequences for breaking those boundaries were enforced. It was incredibly easy.
The way that these experiences have shaped my worldview in light of current events is this, if you are not a Black American, it is your job to listen to Black Americans. It is not your job to cause pain (either by action or inaction), and then scream to try to draw attention to yourself and drown out their voices. If there is pain, it is our job as Christians and citizens of a democratic nation, to listen to what is causing the pain and then modify the system in order to not re-traumatize past victims, to end the abuse of current victims, and to prevent the abuse of anyone else. If you are a person who holds power, authority or privilege, it is your responsibility to ensure that those who don't hold these are not hurt by how you wield yours. It is your job to empower others who are delighted in by their creator (hint:everyone) as we all seek to bring hope to a dying world.
Jesus wasn't a white man. Jesus didn't stick to one social or ethnic group in his ministry but commissioned us to go make disciples of ALL nations. Jesus didn't dismiss the blindness, leprosy, or even death of those he came across because he himself had not experienced those things. Jesus did not dismiss pain, he addressed it. Outside of politics and personal experience, outside of race and gender, outside of age and social status, we are all human beings who were created in the image of our creator. God designed us to bring him glory. How does dismissing someone's hurt bring healing? How does that glorify God?
You all matter because you exist in the world for a reason and are designed by God. But we also need to be verbally, physically and emotionally supporting our brothers and sisters in Christ by listening to their stories and modifying the systems that are causing them pain. Focusing on the area of pain and abuse doesn't mean the other areas matter less, it means they aren't the ones in active danger. Black lives matter. Black lives matter to Jesus and they matter to me. Expressing that in no way lessens my worth, it only validates the worth of those who have been oppressed for far too long.
If you are not a Black man or woman in America, let us use this time to listen, learning the stories of people who have walked a different road than we have. Then let us be sure that when we speak, we speak loudly in love against oppression, abuse and racism, using our voices to ensure that the pain of tomorrow is less than the pain of today. Let us make modifications to truly be one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
