As some of you may have noticed, I have a new blog title! Woo hoo! I am in a new stage of life where I am no longer rambling from the perspective of a college girl, but I am learning lessons from the lockdown unit where I now work. I live life side by side with some amazing co-workers as we try to help the girls who live in my unit. These girls have been abused or neglected resulting in some major behavioral issues. There are some amazing days when the girls are happy, giggling and smiling as we go through our routine. Some days are filled with "I love you miss" and more hugs than I can count. Then there are days like yesterday. On days like those I wish I could grab their hands and physically put them in the presence of Jesus, because me being his hands and feet isn't quite cutting it.
Yesterday one of my girls listened to the lie that she is not enough. I stood between her and the wall so she couldn't smash her head against the concrete. I held her hands so they wouldn't scratch or pinch. I held her face and urged her to focus on me, listen to my voice, stay in the moment. Then I dealt with two other girls in my unit who reached their breaking points, resulting in most of my 9.5 hour work shift being filled with yells and anger and pain. My body hurts, my heart hurts, and after my day off today, I will go back in to start again. I will walk through those doors and try my hardest to be louder than the voice that tells them they can't. I will try to be gentle, so that they can continue to put memories of abuse behind them. I will try to be present, so they aren't reminded of times of neglect. When they are unsafe, or angry, or scared, we will deal with what comes out and start again the next day. This is what I do. But as I walked out of work yesterday, I realized that it is not just my girls who react this way. As I though about how I will walk through those doors Wednesday, I was reminded of how Jesus does all those things for me when I think I will never be able to climb the mountain he has placed me in front of.
We all have a tendency to think we aren't enough. We are all too something to really be useful in the kingdom. I know I have had times when I have heard that voice telling me to stop trying, because I will never make it. It is a lie. We were made by a loving God who has a purpose and plan behind his effort. You were made with intention. My girls were made with intention. I was made with intention, and it is time we all stopped beating ourselves up about the things we believe are wrong with us. God doesn't need perfect, he needs willing. He will perfect us as we grow where we are planted, helping to bring others to fruition along the way. God planned you, made you and delights in you. That is enough, and you are enough. Love yourself, love those around you, and most of all, love God enough to know his voice so that you can hold tight to it in any storm. My girls lash out externally, most of us lash out internally. Both are damaging and painful, one is just harder to see. We all need to stop beating ourselves up, tearing ourselves down and listening to that voice that causes us to stumble and doubt.
This week I would ask you to edify your brothers and sisters in conversation and deed. Lift each other up in prayer. Encourage and love each other as you each walk a road that can sometimes seem impossible. Be present, be kind, and listen to the voice that will guide to through the darkness, not envelop you in it. Be love as you go, to yourself and those around you because every single person you see and meet was made by an incredible God who calls us his own, including the person you see when you look in the mirror.
