Maybe it is because it is the Holiday season but I have seen so many articles and blogs recently about relationships! Since there are so many, I decided to add one more to the mix because I have yet to hear any advice that I felt like taking to heart. I have read articles that want to give me hope because there is someone out there for me and when he finally shows up my endless wait will be over and my happiness will begin. I have read articles that literally have phrases I can memorize so I can respond to the question "why are you still single" with dignity and less emotional pain. I have read blogs that tell me why I need a man and why I should keep up the search because I just can't do it on my own. I have read blogs that tell me being single isn't a crime and I should try to have fun in single-land while I can, but always be ready to leave because couple-land is where we all really want to be. I have basically been told in 100 different ways that I should be doing more to "catch" a man because until I have him, my true joy and purpose can't begin and people will continue to ask me hurtful questions like "when is my turn coming" and "don't you want a boyfriend" until I finally accede to the social norm and couple off like the rest of the good little girls and boys. I have even been told by someone, who I am sure meant very well, "Aw sweetie, even the animals went into the ark two by two". Ummm…thanks?
I want to say three things very clearly. One, I have nothing against marriage or men. Two, relationships can be awesome and there is nothing wrong with dating. Three, being single is nothing to be ashamed of. This isn't an "I hate men" tirade, or a rant on feminism. This isn't about how i'm not letting men "steal my power". This is simply me saying I am already whole and complete on my own. Maybe I am weird, but I don't think there is anything wrong with my story so far. I am 24, single and have never been in a relationship. I mean, I married boys at recess and had the middle school boyfriends that you dated for two hours and broke up with at lunch when they shared their Cheetos with another girl, but I've never dated anyone even semi seriously. I'm not afraid of boys, some of my best friends are of the male variety, but I have never invited someone into that part of my heart.
I remember getting the "check yes or no" note in 5th grade and instead of feeling excited by the prospect of being picked to be a girlfriend, I passed it back asking him to define what girlfriend meant to him, because I wasn't going to blindly check a box when I wasn't sure what it meant. It was then that I realized I wasn't a casual date kinda girl. Then in high school my family moved to another town and I felt like God was calling me to be a friend to those I met there, but to guard the other part of my heart. For the time being, God had asked me to be single, and I am so glad he did. I didn't need to date in high school to have fun! I took guy friends to the prom, went to movies and parties and made some friends that I will have forever, but never had my heart broken. Then came college and that took enough emotional energy on its own. Figuring out who I was and what my place was in the world is a journey that knocked me over. While God got me through, I am still figuring all that out and at that time I didn't know me well enough to be with anybody else. Being in a relationship at that time would have been a crutch for me and a detriment to the other person.
Now, I know me much better. I know who I am, where I stand and what I am worth, but I keep getting the message that I am not enough. Well, I have hit rock bottom and sacrificed enough blood, sweat and tears to get back up to know that that is a lie. I am enough. I was created to be enough and while relationships can be great, they are not my good. My good is that I was created for God, by God and am able to be his child all on my own. I am good enough to be with someone, but I am also good enough to be on my own. Someday I might get married and become a wife, but that isn't my aim. If it happens awesome, if it doesn't awesome. This, like I strive for every part of my life to be, is a "thy will be done" area. If God wants me to date someday, I will be happy to do so. If God wants me to be married someday, I will be happy to do so. If God wants me to be single forever, I will be happy to do so. I am enough, worthy and loved as I am. I hope you all know that you are enough, worthy and loved as well, whether you are married, dating or single.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Verbal Skills
I nanny a four year old who is non-verbal. He tries so hard to communicate with the world around him, but the easiest communicational path is closed for him. Our days are a mash up of signs, gestures and sounds as we work together to make sure he feels safe, happy and loved. This has become my norm. I forgot that this isn't the way everyone operates until I took him to swimming lessons.
We were walking in and he was "talking" which means he is repeating sounds like a hard B or D over and over. I try to encourage talking so I was saying things like "Is that right" and "Then what happened" to try to keep him communicating. This is what we do day in and day out, but nobody else knew that. All they saw was something new, strange and different. I expected it from the kids, but I was a little amazed by how many parents stopped and stared. I decided not to let it bother me and went right on with our usual process. They could modify their expectations, my lil guy can't.
Later that evening I was thinking about the day and I realized that I am a lot like my lil guy. As years pass and life gets more and more real, I am finding myself less equipped to talk about it. Death isn't distant anymore, I have had people unexpectedly and shockingly taken from my life. The dark parts of human nature aren't confined to plot lines on movies I don't watch, but have reached out and touched some of my friend's lives. Things happen and I am not relying on explanations from my parents as they lead me through whatever lies ahead, but I am being asked to walk on as I make sense of what is around me.
Luckily, God understands. It doesn't matter if all I have to offer him is confusion, he knows my meaning. I don't have to know what to say or how to say it for him to help guide me toward what I need. My eloquence (or lack thereof) in no way determines his understanding of my heart. As life moves on, I am so thankful for this.
Being with the lil guy has also made me want to be as clear as I can be communicationally. It doesn't matter what he actually says to me, but it matters that I get the right message. In typical communication it is the opposite, and the responsibility lies in the message. If I say something to you and you hear something different from what I meant, it isn't your fault as the listener, but my fault as the communicator. I need to modify my message.
For example, I had just made a new friend in college and when she would talk to me, I would nod along and offer supporting interjections like "yeah" and "I know" and "that makes sense" as she spoke. She thought I was making fun of her and trying to cut her off! Whoops! This habit came from the fact that when I spoke to my sister and some other friends, those same comments meant that I was listening and following along with them. To them it was heard as "you're important to me, keep talking" to the other friend it was heard as "I'm bored, shut up". Same words, completely different meanings. As the communicator of those words, I needed to clarify their meaning and see how best to communicate that same message to this friend.
After constantly modifying all day everyday, I know it can be tiring, but isn't it worth it? While God understands without words, people need a little more help. Take pride in your message. Make it worth the added effort it may be to make sure that the people around you hear what you mean. Make sure those you love have heard that you love them in what you are communicating to them. Make your words count, and for what you don't have words for, know God understands and loves you always.
We were walking in and he was "talking" which means he is repeating sounds like a hard B or D over and over. I try to encourage talking so I was saying things like "Is that right" and "Then what happened" to try to keep him communicating. This is what we do day in and day out, but nobody else knew that. All they saw was something new, strange and different. I expected it from the kids, but I was a little amazed by how many parents stopped and stared. I decided not to let it bother me and went right on with our usual process. They could modify their expectations, my lil guy can't.
Later that evening I was thinking about the day and I realized that I am a lot like my lil guy. As years pass and life gets more and more real, I am finding myself less equipped to talk about it. Death isn't distant anymore, I have had people unexpectedly and shockingly taken from my life. The dark parts of human nature aren't confined to plot lines on movies I don't watch, but have reached out and touched some of my friend's lives. Things happen and I am not relying on explanations from my parents as they lead me through whatever lies ahead, but I am being asked to walk on as I make sense of what is around me.
Luckily, God understands. It doesn't matter if all I have to offer him is confusion, he knows my meaning. I don't have to know what to say or how to say it for him to help guide me toward what I need. My eloquence (or lack thereof) in no way determines his understanding of my heart. As life moves on, I am so thankful for this.
Being with the lil guy has also made me want to be as clear as I can be communicationally. It doesn't matter what he actually says to me, but it matters that I get the right message. In typical communication it is the opposite, and the responsibility lies in the message. If I say something to you and you hear something different from what I meant, it isn't your fault as the listener, but my fault as the communicator. I need to modify my message.
For example, I had just made a new friend in college and when she would talk to me, I would nod along and offer supporting interjections like "yeah" and "I know" and "that makes sense" as she spoke. She thought I was making fun of her and trying to cut her off! Whoops! This habit came from the fact that when I spoke to my sister and some other friends, those same comments meant that I was listening and following along with them. To them it was heard as "you're important to me, keep talking" to the other friend it was heard as "I'm bored, shut up". Same words, completely different meanings. As the communicator of those words, I needed to clarify their meaning and see how best to communicate that same message to this friend.
After constantly modifying all day everyday, I know it can be tiring, but isn't it worth it? While God understands without words, people need a little more help. Take pride in your message. Make it worth the added effort it may be to make sure that the people around you hear what you mean. Make sure those you love have heard that you love them in what you are communicating to them. Make your words count, and for what you don't have words for, know God understands and loves you always.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Connecting
We live in a strange time. We live in an age where cellphones are almost never out of reach. I can let 541 people know what I had for lunch on any given day with a few taps on my keyboard. We are so constantly being updated on every little detail of people we hardly know that we can feel very connected to the world around us. We can also feel very disconnected. Just because 541 people know what I ate for lunch, doesn't mean that they know that I might have eaten it alone and felt left out of the circle of people who all had someone to eat with.
There is yet another story of a young hollywood actor today who has died much too soon. I can't help but wonder, with all his fans and friends and what seemed to be a large support system, was anyone really connecting with him? Or, like in the case of so many others who have gone down that road before him, did he feel alone amidst the masses? I know I can't be the only one who has ever felt lonely in a room full of people before.
Facebook has become a place for political tirades and silly stories, but what about when you need a heart to heart? For some reason, people sometimes feel too ashamed to ask for help. I will be the first to admit that I need help sometimes, and I know that I have people I can ask who will readily respond to my SOS. Many of the people we know aren't that lucky.
If you have people you know you can go to, I would encourage you to look for those in your spheres of influence who don't. Be that person for someone else.
If you don't have someone you feel like you can go to, please don't be afraid to ask for help. I for one would much rather someone be real with me than to know that they have played eight levels of Candy Crush and listened to the Backstreet Boys all day. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to ask for help, but the risk of not asking is too high. Whether it be a professional or a friend, please seek someone who can stand with you when the world around you shakes.
Please, instead of hiding and trying to just wish away pain, lets be real with each other. Let's get involved in each others lives. Let's not be afraid to invite someone into our mess and ask for help in organizing the debris. I never want anyone to feel like they have nowhere to turn, and no one to listen. While God is always there when we need him, sometimes we need someone to hold our hand and pray with us. Let's get involved, and not in a facebook friend kind of way, but a face to face real life kind of way.
Today I want everyone who reads this to know that they aren't alone. God does't make mistakes and he made you. God answers prayer and my prayer today is that no one feels alone in their chaos. God has equipped professionals with the tools to help people process the darkness they feel, and he has given us the gift of friendship. Don't be satisfied with virtual friendships, seek to be a real friend to someone today.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Waiting for the Whisper
God keeps me on my toes. There are many days when I feel like he is readily accessible, making his presence known throughout the day. There are days when he shows up in big ways and I feel like he is taking every step with me; then there are days when I feel like he is watching from afar as I flounder around, blindly seeking his will and not getting a ready answer.
Today I re-read one of my favorite old testament passages, 1 Kings 18 -19. In it God keeps Elijah on his toes as well. First he shows up in big ways making fire fall from the sky and showing himself to the people who were uncertain, then he makes one who is certain of him wait through wind, earthquake and fire for the gentle whisper that hold's his presence.
During darker days, these verses were some of the ones that I held onto with all I had. God didn't promise effortlessness or that he would show up in the same ways each time, but he promised he would show up. We aren't promised ease, but we are promised presence; we aren't promised immediate answers, but we are promised the strength we need to persevere.
I am in a new stage in my life. I am preparing to move to another state, I am preparing to finally end the college journey (woo hoo!), and I am preparing to do all this without my sister here for ready guidance and support. The hardest times in my life have been when I have been the farthest from my sister, once in college and once in high school. I can't say that I was looking forward to what her moving to Chad meant selfishly for me, but in talking to my mom last week I was reminded of something. Sometimes in order to make himself all you need, God makes himself all you have. I have a phenomenal family, and amazing friends, but the person who has trail blazed for me thus far hasn't walked the road I am about to embark upon. God is the only one who can really take this journey with me.
I feel like the past few years of my life have been riddled with giant winds that blew my plans apart, earthquakes that created new scenery, and fire that blazed through useless brush to clear the way for new things to be planted. Even just in the past year, everything has changed. I transferred to a different school, moved apartments, my parents moved, I got answers as to why what seems effortless to some seems impossible to me, got an amazing nephew, sent three of my favorite people halfway around the world, decided on a path, and stopped dragging around useless pain that only served to encumber my journey. Now I am waiting on the whisper. I am waiting on the gentle whisper that embodies God to come along and tell me what is next. I can't honestly say that I am good at waiting patiently, but I am waiting assured that God will come, and that is so much netter than waiting in uncertainty.
In the days to come, I am praying for those who are waiting with me for the whisper and for those who are currently experiencing the wind, earthquake and fire. May those of us who wait, wait in the assurance that God will come, and those of us who are experiencing disaster find hope that the whisper will come and the trauma will end. We are God's, his will is perfect, and he understands us, even if we can't understand him. He will show up; may we all be ready when he does.
Today I re-read one of my favorite old testament passages, 1 Kings 18 -19. In it God keeps Elijah on his toes as well. First he shows up in big ways making fire fall from the sky and showing himself to the people who were uncertain, then he makes one who is certain of him wait through wind, earthquake and fire for the gentle whisper that hold's his presence.
During darker days, these verses were some of the ones that I held onto with all I had. God didn't promise effortlessness or that he would show up in the same ways each time, but he promised he would show up. We aren't promised ease, but we are promised presence; we aren't promised immediate answers, but we are promised the strength we need to persevere.
I am in a new stage in my life. I am preparing to move to another state, I am preparing to finally end the college journey (woo hoo!), and I am preparing to do all this without my sister here for ready guidance and support. The hardest times in my life have been when I have been the farthest from my sister, once in college and once in high school. I can't say that I was looking forward to what her moving to Chad meant selfishly for me, but in talking to my mom last week I was reminded of something. Sometimes in order to make himself all you need, God makes himself all you have. I have a phenomenal family, and amazing friends, but the person who has trail blazed for me thus far hasn't walked the road I am about to embark upon. God is the only one who can really take this journey with me.
I feel like the past few years of my life have been riddled with giant winds that blew my plans apart, earthquakes that created new scenery, and fire that blazed through useless brush to clear the way for new things to be planted. Even just in the past year, everything has changed. I transferred to a different school, moved apartments, my parents moved, I got answers as to why what seems effortless to some seems impossible to me, got an amazing nephew, sent three of my favorite people halfway around the world, decided on a path, and stopped dragging around useless pain that only served to encumber my journey. Now I am waiting on the whisper. I am waiting on the gentle whisper that embodies God to come along and tell me what is next. I can't honestly say that I am good at waiting patiently, but I am waiting assured that God will come, and that is so much netter than waiting in uncertainty.
In the days to come, I am praying for those who are waiting with me for the whisper and for those who are currently experiencing the wind, earthquake and fire. May those of us who wait, wait in the assurance that God will come, and those of us who are experiencing disaster find hope that the whisper will come and the trauma will end. We are God's, his will is perfect, and he understands us, even if we can't understand him. He will show up; may we all be ready when he does.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Birthday Week Musings
I remember sitting in my bed as a little girl dreaming of what my life would be like. 16 seemed so far away from 7 and I was sure that by the time I finally got there, everything would be different. At 16, I still felt like I was 12 but I was confident that by 20 I would be the adult I knew I would grow into. At 20 I thought to myself, 20 is not the age anything really happens, but in 5 years, when I am 25, I'll be a completely different person; I'll know what I am going to do with my life, where I am going to do it, and who I am going to be going through life with.
Well, I'm not to 25 yet, but I have come to the realization, after thinking back on my life, that my system of putting a time limit on myself has got to go. I still feel like I have been sent on a secret mission from the kiddie table to scope out adult world, that someday, someone, is going to realize I don't quite belong and send me back with a pat on the head and a fruit cup. There are so many questions 7, 16, and 20 year old me thought would be answered by now that I have no clue about. But it is time I took myself off the hook for that.
The bible doesn't say that I should be praying for my will to be done, but thy will to be done. Sanctification is a process, I am nowhere near where I hope to be when my days are done. Life is a process. I will never have all the answers. Maturing is a process, and I am nowhere near done yet. What I can do now, is be fully where I am while being willing to learn and grow. God's timing (although sometimes frustrating) is perfect. He understands my heart and has planned my days. Me continually growing closer to his heart is what is important.
Somewhere along the way, I will feel like I belong in adult world. I will figure out what kind of family I am supposed to make for myself. I will figure out how best to minister to people with my gifts in my calling. My heart will someday hold a special place for people I haven't met yet. I have a purpose and I have faith in the one who gave it to me. God made me, and that is what I will hold onto when I feel a little impatient.
So far, I have lived an amazing life. I am friends with people who awe me. I have a family that surrounds me in love. I have hobbies I enjoy that give me time to recharge and relax. I have talents that I have seen be used in beneficial ways in the lives of others. I have friends that I have seen collide with Jesus, never to be the same again. I can appreciate beauty, laugh uncontrollably, and live life alongside some amazing people. I see the world, it's pain and flaws, and still have hope that I can do something to ease that pain. I can do all this, and know all these people, and I'm still not done yet? Even if I feel out of step sometimes, this gives me joy. God isn't leaving me behind, he is planning for what's ahead.
So, this birthday week, I am celebrating where I am right now. I am celebrating remembering the good of my past, while walking away from it's pain. I am celebrating the hope I have for my future (without attaching a timeline) and mostly, I am celebrating that I have already done the most important thing I will ever do in my life. I have accepted Jesus and acknowledged him as sovereign over who I am and all I do. The rest will come with time.
Monday, February 25, 2013
The Kelleys
So, I know the cutest, smartest baby ever born. I also know a beautiful and kind woman who has championed me, challenged me, and greatly shaped who I am today. To further add to my joy, I know a good man who has gotten down in trenches with me, stood calmly in my chaos and made sure that I feel seen, loved and heard. Lucky me, I don't only know these people, I am related to them. My nephew Jackson, sister Mandi and brother-in-law Jake are some of the most phenomenal people I have ever encountered. For the past 23 years my sister has been by my side. In marrying Jake she gave me the brother I always wanted and in having Jackson, they gave me a nephew who is easy to adore. I am so thankful for them and all they do for me.
In 16 days they are moving across the world. I am so proud of them for obeying God's call to go, even when it is hard or others don't fully understand. I have no doubt that they will change the world we live in by fearlessly loving others. They are gifted in great ways and have been equipped for the journey they are about to undertake.
As part of their family, I am so excited to support them on this new adventure. I am glad that they are getting to go where they feel called. I love that other's have joined in to support them as they go and that Mandi will finally be going longterm to a place she has felt like needed to be her home since we were little. I love that my nephew will have a worldview and reference point unlike any other when it comes to how his view of the kingdom of God is shaped. I am excited for the men who will get to see what God calls men to be in the example Jake will set by loving and leading his family. I am praying for Mandi's future friends and the women who will begin to question the way things have always been by watching her raise her son and support her husband. I love that they are finally getting to go.
As part of their family, selfishly, I am sad to see them leave. I am going to miss my sister and her family more than I can express. I am going to miss living life with them, visiting them whenever I want to, calling or texting everyday and getting constant picture updates. They have shaped who I am and without them, it will be hard for awhile.
But as much as I love them, and will miss them, I trust God more. More than my family, they are his creations. Greater than my needs are the needs of the world they are venturing into. Before they are anything to me, they are everything to him. The world is his, they are his, and this is the way in which he has ordained that they collide. I will be okay without them and the world will be better for them. I can joyfully let go and cheer on as they move forward in these next days. I can be happy and sad because most of all, I am God's and I understand following his leadership. Mandi, Jake and Jackson will always be in my heart, prayers and thoughts. While we may not occupy the same physical space, nothing can separate us because we are untied by the love of God. They are simply going to unite more people in that love.
So, in the days to come, pray for my family; those of us who are going and those of us who are staying. Pray for Mandi and Jake in the days to come as they redefine normal and undertake a worthy and glorious challenge. Pray for the people they are going to live alongside. But most of all, pray for where God is leading you. Everyone, everywhere at every time needs God. It doesn't matter what continent you are on, God has called us to live alongside his creation and minister wherever we are. As they join the church there, let's step up the church here. Let's live here with the attitude and mindset they they will live with there, that everyone deserves a chance to hear about the love of God and that we need to be the torch bearers in the dark places wherever they may be. As they shine God's light in Chad, you shine it in your life, in your town, and in your sphere of influence.
If you want to get to know these awesome people or support them in any way check them out at www.thekelleysinafrica.blogspot.com
In 16 days they are moving across the world. I am so proud of them for obeying God's call to go, even when it is hard or others don't fully understand. I have no doubt that they will change the world we live in by fearlessly loving others. They are gifted in great ways and have been equipped for the journey they are about to undertake.
As part of their family, I am so excited to support them on this new adventure. I am glad that they are getting to go where they feel called. I love that other's have joined in to support them as they go and that Mandi will finally be going longterm to a place she has felt like needed to be her home since we were little. I love that my nephew will have a worldview and reference point unlike any other when it comes to how his view of the kingdom of God is shaped. I am excited for the men who will get to see what God calls men to be in the example Jake will set by loving and leading his family. I am praying for Mandi's future friends and the women who will begin to question the way things have always been by watching her raise her son and support her husband. I love that they are finally getting to go.
As part of their family, selfishly, I am sad to see them leave. I am going to miss my sister and her family more than I can express. I am going to miss living life with them, visiting them whenever I want to, calling or texting everyday and getting constant picture updates. They have shaped who I am and without them, it will be hard for awhile.
But as much as I love them, and will miss them, I trust God more. More than my family, they are his creations. Greater than my needs are the needs of the world they are venturing into. Before they are anything to me, they are everything to him. The world is his, they are his, and this is the way in which he has ordained that they collide. I will be okay without them and the world will be better for them. I can joyfully let go and cheer on as they move forward in these next days. I can be happy and sad because most of all, I am God's and I understand following his leadership. Mandi, Jake and Jackson will always be in my heart, prayers and thoughts. While we may not occupy the same physical space, nothing can separate us because we are untied by the love of God. They are simply going to unite more people in that love.
So, in the days to come, pray for my family; those of us who are going and those of us who are staying. Pray for Mandi and Jake in the days to come as they redefine normal and undertake a worthy and glorious challenge. Pray for the people they are going to live alongside. But most of all, pray for where God is leading you. Everyone, everywhere at every time needs God. It doesn't matter what continent you are on, God has called us to live alongside his creation and minister wherever we are. As they join the church there, let's step up the church here. Let's live here with the attitude and mindset they they will live with there, that everyone deserves a chance to hear about the love of God and that we need to be the torch bearers in the dark places wherever they may be. As they shine God's light in Chad, you shine it in your life, in your town, and in your sphere of influence.
If you want to get to know these awesome people or support them in any way check them out at www.thekelleysinafrica.blogspot.com
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Celebration
This weekend I got to celebrate some awesome things. My Bebo, who is one of my favorite people in the entire world, turned 75 and celebrated his 53 wedding anniversary with my Grandmommy (who coincidentally is another one of my favorite people!) I also got to spend some time with my Aunt Meredith and Uncle Ben who are raising up some amazing people in my cousins Mary-Kate, Sara, Jake and Caleb. This weekend was full of celebration and comfort. It was great to get to spend time celebrating something that is worthy of celebration and being with people who let me be myself without question or motive.
Coming back to Waco was a little bit hard. I love Waco, but it hasn't always been the easiest place for me to live. Some of the best times and worst times in my life have happened inside these city limits. I have grown from someone I liked, into someone I didn't, into the person I am learning to be and love today. So this week started off a little...off.
Monday was a catch up day, tuesday was a little blue, and today I got a reality check. This weekend was so great because I got to truly celebrate something worth being excited about with people who love me unconditionally and exactly as I am while still hoping and investing in my continued betterment. I realized I have that everyday (even in Waco! *gasp*)
God is worth celebrating. Every second of every single day God is worth celebrating because I have been created to celebrate and worship him. I also have the freedom to come to him exactly as I am and be loved. Part of loving me is refusing to let me be stagnant and encouraging future growth and movement, but I am always loved exactly as I am. While my family are incredible, they can never love me as much as God does and while they do amazing things, God will always be more worthy of my celebration.
So today I am encouraging you to celebrate God. Celebrate who he is, what he has done and who he made you to be. Celebrate who you were that you have grown from, who you have the potential to become, and who you are right now. Celebrate the journey you are taking together, the amazing things that God has brought you through and to and the amazing things to come. If you feel a little off, remember God can handle that and that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. God doesn't make mistakes and he made you. You are worth celebrating and today, I am celebrating you, me and the God who made us.
Happy Wednesday!
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