Testing Testing 123

The way that I cope with life is to try to find the lesson or life-skill that can be gleaned from every circumstance. As someone who has struggled with depression and self-worth, the thing that saved me was coming to the realization that though I wasn't created for this, I could learn from it. God can use even the shattered pieces of me, and sometimes that I all I have to offer. It is incredibly freeing to know that I don't have to be anything specific, I only have to be, and God will mold the rest.

After my last post however, I felt like I lost my voice. The child I was hoping not to lose, I lost. I walked into work one day to find that she was now gone, removed from my care and passed along to the next level of a broken system. My heart broke and I waited for the lesson. Then I got caught in the emotional riptide and wave after wave crashed over me. People I trusted were lying to me, people I loved were being terrible to each other, and people I respected suddenly were behaving in ways I couldn't understand. So, as introverts do, I retreated into my safe shell and kept my mouth shut. 

But I am not created for my shell. So here is my lesson. I am not taking my toys and going home. I am going to continue to use my voice for things I believe in, even when I feel like no one is listening. So here are the things I have been wanting to say. 

1. I have friends who are liberal and conservative, homosexual and homophobic, religious and atheist, old and young, male and female, black, white, brown and all shades in-between. Guess what? You all matter. Every single stinking one of you. Even if I don't know you, but you exist in the world somewhere, you matter. Whether I agree with you or not, you are valuable because God assigns your worth and I am called to love you. Why on earth can't we have discussions where we can agree to disagree in love? Why do we only seem to love the neighbors that look and think and act like us? Have convictions, opinions, thoughts and fears, but remember why we are here. Love already won. God is in control. Take a breath, take a beat and then try to remember that you were put on this earth as an ambassador for Christ...to ALL those He created. 

2. There is no shame in saying you don't know something. My girls look to me for answers all the time from big life issues, to math homework questions. Sometimes I have no clue what to say, but I can always work to find an answer. I have seen so many people on Facebook and other platforms posting complete and utter lies with such conviction. There is so much fear and hate spread around because people don't take time to research or reflect before they respond. Sometimes it is better to ask why someone believes something than to just jump in with why they are wrong. Just because you are an adult doesn't mean that you have to have an opinion about everything. Life is a learning process, and admitting that you aren't an expert in every subject known to man is not an failure. I am terrible at math, cannot gauge time well, don't know what to do in social situations and about a million other things, but that is okay. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you are imperfect or uninformed. We are all imperfect and we are lucky enough to live in an age where information is just a keystroke away. 

3. Community community community. I cannot stress this one enough. We all need people in our lives who embrace us when we are down, challenge us when we are weak, love us when we are broken, and are willing to break us when we are doing damage. We cannot do this alone. Find people who can stand under the weight of your words and be willing to stand under theirs. Find people brave enough to stand beside you as you fight, but will also stand in your way when you are heading in the wrong direction. Embrace the differences in each other because none of them are more important than what we have in common. Stand together, even when divided, because you know that nothing is more important than truly saving a world that is lost. 

So there it is. My voice is back, I am on my feet and ready to engage in battle once more. May you all find compassion, conviction and community as you fight your own.