You won't, So I will

I have written a couple times about being able to utilize the tap out, how when I reach my limit, I am so thankful that there are people who I can ask to step in who love the children and are able to cover for me. When my physical and emotional strength are failing me, many times, I tap in Derik. Derik is one of our program coordinators so his job is to step in when we are running out of options and attempt to solve any problem that we are up against. His life is one weird, crazy situation after the other. He is also important because many of our kids have been abused by men in the past. His job is to be a functional father figure to kids who have only seen anger and pain from the men who previously filled that role. Derik and his wife Adelfa love our kids in tangible ways and are teaching them through word and deed how to respect a spouse, love a child, and be a competent adult. When Derik was talking to me about the possibility of wanting to blog, I jumped at the chance to have him write a blog for me. I am so glad you all will get a different perspective than the one I can give and get a glimpse at the heart of a great man. So without further ado, here is my first ever guest blog post from Derik Ramos. 

You won't, So I will. 

All my life I have been taught that I needed to work hard, get married, and have kids.  There where other stipulations too like graduate high school and go to church every Sunday. I have always thought that I would be a great father and cannot wait to do so. KIDS!!  I work at a youth ranch. I have worked in child care for about thirteen years and have seen several kids come through my life. This week I was honored to be a part of a Quence (a girls fifteen year birthday party). I was given the special privilege of dancing the father daughter dance. The song she picked was Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman. It is an absolutely amazing song. In the song the daughter ask the father of he approved of her dress.  The resident spoke with me a week before I heard the song asked me if I approved of her dress. I said yes I did and then when I heard the song, I almost cried. 
I know at this point some of you may be thinking what does this have to do with kids? I can say with a hundred percent honesty that I feel like these kids are mine and I would do anything for them. You can see it in their eyes and their actions that they love us back. A connection has been made, where before adult connections came with conditions and with strings. Here there are not strings. We want, and encourage real, and whole heartedness. We push away fake and destructive and want to build and mold for the future.  
Ok ,so I am a part of this Quence that is being held for a fifteen year old who should be having her real father there. He should be standing waiting for his beautiful daughter, dressed in a gorgeous purple dress, to be handed to him. I watch as the patchwork that makes up our village comes together to throw this girl a party. I watch her walk up and I shake the gentleman's hand who is walking her up to me. I look as she beams with pride and joy to be handed off to me. To me! Someone who is not her father, not even her blood, but will be here for as long as I can and she allows me to. 
As we started to dance to the song she looks at me and says "it's ok to cry, but if you do I'll cry too". I quickly informed her that I would not be crying and we continued dancing. (side note. Cinderella by Steven Curtis chapman is a LONG song). For the entire song I had to focus on different things around the room to keep myself from crying. I began to think about this girl's father and how he would be so proud and impressed at the beautiful girl she had become. How he should be the one to twirl her around and knock of her tiara and then start to do a funny dance so she would not be embarrassed. I poured my heart into this dance, like it was the dancing with the stars the season finale. No, we didn't get much further than a couple of twirls, but I put my heart into it. I began to think about all the residents on the ranch and how I need to be the example for all of them in all aspects of my life.
I need to show the boys how to treat a lady and the girls how a lady should be treated.  Not as a piece of meat or property, but prized and adored. I need to show the kids how to handle themselves on a daily basis with class and dignity; not some sassy person who cannot control themselves and ends up with no direction and no purpose. I need to show them how to just be a decent person and not continue the cycle. That when they hold that baby in their arms someday, that precious gift that they have is something that should not be taken for granted; it should not be left aside of neglected. It should be brought up with the best intentions and shown how to be a positive and productive person. Their parents have made this responsibility a joke and refused to do it well. They won't so I will. 
I will be the best I can. I will show that even though adversity will knock you on your butt and laugh at you while you wonder what happened, that your emotions will push you around like an eighth grade bully, that no matter he circumstances or the mountains that are in your way, you can make it. We don't have hope in this life alone and we don't have hope in ourselves alone. We have something that is greater than us. We believe in a God that will support and hold you in his arms. In your times of trouble he will be your shield or your way of escape. He will hide you in his arms and nurse you back to health. I will teach them to read their bibles and ask questions. Always ask questions. No matter who it is, or what it is, find out what's going on. I will show them that a man can love a child without having a negative motive.  
I am lost in these thoughts when she asks me to twirl her again. (I told you it's a long song) I twirl her realize that I would protect her with everything I have. I would giver her everything she needs. Not so people can pat me on the back and say good job, but so that she can see there is good and love in this world. So I dance, with my focus jumping around the room so I won't let this wonderfully made daughter of mine see me start to tear up. Through all this another emotion pops up. Sadness. Sadness for the gentleman who is missing out on this wonderful dance. I wonder where is he? I wonder, what he is doing? What kind of life is he leading? Does he miss her at all? Did he wake up this morning and have her on his mind because it's her birthday?  Did he ever wonder if this is how his life would end up without his daughter there with him? Whether from some selfish desire or inability to stop a behavior he lost her. I wondered all of these things and thought "he won't but I will". I woke up excited about this party excited about getting to dance and dress up to show that I care about what she wants. Excited that she allowed us to be a part of an important part of her life.  
So sir or ma'am I don't know who you are and to be honest I don't want to, but you have a daughter that woke up this morning. Although I'm sure she thought about you, and maybe cried and wished you where here, I was able to dance with her and see her smile. I saw tears well up in her eyes. I saw her laugh at funny stuff that happened today and before she left the cafeteria where her party was, she hugged me and said "I love you". She walked with me arm and arm to her van and I helped her get her all her presents that where given to her in the van. You sir or ma'am are  missing out, and it may be rude of me to say, but it's your loss. But your loss, is my gain and I will have and cherish the memories that you could have made.
"This song is taking forever". I make a joke, but in reality I would have danced it again had she asked me to, because that's what dads do. They dance with their daughters to a song that is hitting every emotion I have in me.  Finally the song ends and I hug her. I hold her close. I pray in my head ( because if I would have talked in that moment I would have cried) that God will give me the wisdom and understanding to help assist the residents I work with to see his amazing wonder; to see that their condition is not their conclusion.  I hope they see that sometimes you literally have to wait on the Lord and see what he will do. I let her go and much to the disappointment of the residents surrounding us I have no tears, but I do have a happy and content heart.