Inside Work

It has been a WEEK! When I first arrived at this unit last summer I was scared out of my mind. These kids were going to see straight through me and I was going to be of no help at all. What did I, the girl who couldn't even handle the crazy combination of emotions and college know that could possibly help these kids? But Jesus said go and I listened and here I am one year later! I have been trained to do things I never even knew you could do, met some amazing co-workers who share the load with me and found out that the "scary" kids and really just kids. They told me to give it a year before making any judgements and I have. My judgement is...it has been a crazy year!
My unit houses eight girls, and there was one girl who I was warned about when I was beginning training. She had been here for a year already and no one could see her moving out. She was not willing to work on her behaviors, and, in her words, "Change is too hard." I spent countless hours trying to brainstorm up ways to impact her. I prayed and prayed and the only thing I felt was God calling me to live along side her. So I did. We all did. I have no idea what clicked but eventually, she began to try, to work, and to change. We lived along side her, through the rough and the easy, the beautiful and the shameful, until she finally could see a way out. Now I can say with a massive smile on my face that the girl who no one thought could ever make it did the amazingly hard work it took to get her out of my unit and into a less intense cabin. She did it. As she left she said "Thanks for pushing me miss. It was time for me to go." And it was! She did so much hard work, put forth so much effort, and finally got the reward. She achieved her goal!
Sometimes we have no idea what it is that helps, or when seed will begin to produce growth. We just have to keep trying and waiting for the change to come. This is not an easy lesson to learn, or a fun one. For me, I have had a respiratory infection for weeks now, which last week decided to evolve into Bells Palsy. So as I walk around with clogged ears, itchy throat and half way frozen face, my girls are being very patient with me. At this point I have taken an anti viral antibiotic, an anti bacterial antibiotic and a steroid to deal with this craziness. Now I wait for my body to do the inside work it needs to do to get better. I have taken the meds, now I have to take the time. I tell my girls all the time, you do the work, take the steps you can, and the rest will come. Now it is my turn. It is so much easier to be the teacher than it is to be the student! But if they can do it, so can I!
They do the hard work every single day of getting up and trying. They are constantly doing the "inside work" that no one can really see at first, but eventually gives them hope and coping skills. If I had a magic wand I would wave it and magically make the "inside work" easier. The stuff no one sees, but no one can do without. My body wouldn't be infected with germs and they wouldn't be infected with shame from their pasts. But it doesn't work that way. Life would be easier, yes, but nowhere near as beautiful. We need the time to acclimate to the change. We need the failure to appreciate the hard work it takes to succeed. We need the rest to realize how hard we have been working. We need the inside work. So this week, pray for my girls as they do the hard work no one sees yet, but will make a huge difference later on. And selfishly, I ask you to pray for me too. This infection palsy thing isn't very fun.