Two of my girls decided to have get in a fight at the pool resulting in one of the staff having to jump in and save the day. (Side note: PC DR you rock, sorry you got wet.) I was trying to figure out how this had happened and why it happened when I was given a small pool toy. Apparently this toy that was smaller than my hand was worth fighting over. I went to the kitchen to finish cooking and thought about what I was going to say to them. I was replaying their day in my head and realized that I had done many tasks for them, and was busy making sure they were on routine, but I hadn't spent any real time with them one on one for an emotional check in. Whoops! Yes, they all needed to be fed, and there were tasks we needed to get through, but I could have done a better job at the heart check in. I got busy and task oriented and forgot about being with the people in my desire to accomplish all the things.
Saturday, I happened to have some of my essential oils and a carrier oil with me. I set out a few calming oils, had the girls pick the one that smelled best to them (Eucalyptus and Peace seemed to be the winners of the day), and gave them each an arm/hand massage. With one we talked about all the good things her hands can do, from building things with legos and cooking, to giving hugs and high fives; with another we talked about how she was settling into the unit and how she felt about living here now. The conversations weren't all deep and meaningful, but it gave me a chance to look at each of my girls and have at least 5 minutes with them where no one was mad and we weren't hurried or rushed. It gave us a chance to connect.
Often times, because I am much more introverted than some presume me to be, I avoid chances to connect. I don't crave social interaction most times, and am quite content to be left alone. But others aren't all like me. I need to be making more of an effort to be present in the lives of those I love. It is easy to show up for friends in a crisis, but blow them off on the day to day because I am busy or tired. I know my family love me no matter what, so it is easy to give them the short end of the stick when they don't deserve it. In social situations, I feel anxious and awkward, so I can almost always find a very legitimate sounding excuse to not go and be present when I am asked. I can address the crowds, but mingling is intimidating. I was anxious to go see my Dad perform in an Easter Pageant at church, but was so glad I went as it was amazing and I may or may not have cried...several times. I miss out on things I am sad to have missed because I can't work up the courage or muster the energy to connect.
I am also not intentional with my down time, seeking to get the introvert time I need and charge myself up for my next activity. I must be better at this. I need to stop letting being busy become an excuse to completely cut myself off from the world whenever I get a chance. I need to take time and breathe, and then get back out there. I need to be intentional in my rest to better facilitate my work. I need to be intentional, both when I connect and disconnect, so I am not using one as a defense mechanism to hide from myself or others. I need to learn to rest, really rest, so that I can better connect with those I love. Notice how many times I said intentional? I am recognizing the issue and now it is time to work! If I have blown you off using being busy or tired as an excuse, I am sorry, and I am working on it. Hopefully I will learn to rest more intentionally (there is that word again) so that I can connect with you all better in the days to come.
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